If you’re in any kind of sales, you’re well aware that you’re going to face rejection, you’re going to face “no,” you’re going to face flakiness, and the common thing that you’re told is, well, just be persistent.
I like to tell it like it is and to take things outside the box, color outside the lines. So I think this advice to just be persistent is a load of bullshit. Just being persistent is bullshit because persistence without perspective equals pushing through pain. Someone type that into the chat window.
Here’s what I mean by this. Let’s say you persist in a certain sales technique, you persist in making your calls, but you still continue to face rejection, you still are not being effective in what you’re doing. Well, you’re persisting but you’re banging your head against the wall because your process isn’t good.
So you need to have perspective. Perspective is what makes your persistence pain-free. One of the things I learned when I was a dating coach is so often, my guys would hear “no” and they’d keep on just pushing through, but they were pushing through their pain.
The problem is when you push through pain, you’re pushing your pain out in front of you. And that’s a bad thing because if you’re in deep rapport with your prospect, your prospect’s going to feel what you feel. They’re going to feel your pain, they’re going to feel your anxiety, they’re going to feel your frustration. They won’t know why. So ironically, the more you’re in rapport, the more difficult it would be to make the sale if you’re in a painful state because unconsciously, your prospect will pick up on your emotional state.
First thing is to get perspective. One of the greatest lessons I learned to be a really good teacher, really good salesperson, someone who knows how to persist without pain, is to be with my dad when he passed on. My father who I miss to this day, he passed on in 2008, I lost my mom in 2007, they were two of my best friends in my life and two of my best teachers.
I was with my father when he passed on in 2008. Most of the family was there, surrounding him, and we had him on morphine drops because he was in so much pain. This is a very personal story for me. He was in so much pain because his spine had crumbled with old age, so we had him on enough morphine to knock out an elephant.
Oh, okay, the game is over for me.
But the last two or three minutes before he passed from his world, he managed to open his eyes, he fought through all that morphine, and looked around at all of us with a look of love in his eyes and sort of a look of understanding, like, “Oh, okay, the game is over for me.” And then I watched him pass from this world.
And I had a realization. After he passed, I realized I was looking at the shell of my father. I never even had that concept in my mind, that I would look at the shell of my father, that such a thing would exist. If you’re wondering why I’m telling you this story, it’s because I got real perspective after that.
The second thing is, I like to say one prospect, one vote. On election day—god forbid that there’s no fraud—that prospect gets one vote. That’s all they get. They’re voting on your pitch, they’re voting on whatever it is you’re presenting to them, but it has nothing to do with what the next prospect’s going to say or do. There’s no universal prospect to prospect rejection network. There’s no connection whatsoever, other than what you’re presenting, how you do things, your level of skill. There doesn’t have to be any connection between your level of skill and what the next prospect does. There’s just no connection between prospects, there’s no universal prospect to prospect rejection network. It’s one prospect, one vote.
And finally, I kind of gag on ill defined terms such as “spiritual,” but I’m going to give you a spiritual secret to dealing with “no.” This is really good, because “no” has components of confusion. You don’t know why you got rejected, you don’t know why things went wrong, and part of what I teach in my Subtle Words That Sell course is learning how to tell what you did incorrectly. Learning how to learn from your mistakes is a very powerful tool-set.
Now, there are a lot of great sales systems out there. There’s core, there’s Sandler. And I know some people in the sales training business and they’re mentors of mine. And the one thing they lack is a good toolkit for learning from your mistakes. We’re all told, “Just learn from your mistakes,” but no one gives a system for doing it.
One of the things I will tell you, one way to do it is to remove the frustration from things first. And what I like to say, my spiritual lesson for you if you really want to get past that “no,” get past the frustration, get past all of it, is to bless your prospects who reject you, who frustrate you, who confuse you, who flake out the last minute. And I’d like to say something like this. Thank you for showing up in my life, bless you for having been here as my teacher and my guide, may you flourish and prosper and grow. I release you now with love.
Thank you for having been here as my teacher and guide, may you flourish and prosper and grow,
I release you now with love
When you do that each and every time you get that “no,” each and every time the phone is slammed down, each and every time the deal falls through, if you just center, let your frustration go, close your eyes and just say, “Thank you for having been here as my teacher and guide, may you flourish and prosper and grow, I release you now with love,” as new age-y and crazy as that sounds, it’ll revive your spirit.
And when you can sell from in here, from the spirit—and I am someone who shies away from ill-defined new age terms like that—you’ll find something grows inside you. The idea of selling being about a spiritual practice is whacked out crazy, but I think it’s possible. I think it really is possible to do that, and we can talk more about that in a future broadcast. Thanks for the comments you’re leaving. As you’re discovering for yourself that you’ve really enjoyed this, would you please Like this broadcast, comment? I respond to each and every comment. If you’re watching the replay, please put #replay and leave your big takeaway.
And in fact, anyone who wants to leave a comment, if you can say your biggest takeaway. Whether you’re watching it live or whether you’re watching the replay, tell me what your number one big takeaway is here. We do a weekly drawing and I’ll go through them and pick, and that person will win an Amazon gift card.
It’s been my pleasure being here today. Let me review the big points. Persistence without perspective is just going to have you pushing through pain, and when you push through pain, it’s a big problem. The problem with pushing through pain is twofold.
Number one—you’re going to push that pain out between you and your prospect, and if you’re in rapport with your prospect, they’re going to feel what you’re feeling on the unconscious level. They’re going to be feeling all that pain, that frustration, that anxiety. They’re not going to know why. Ironically, that rapport will actually hurt your sale. And you don’t want that. So we want to make sure that we persist with perspective, because perspective sets us free to have a different vision of where we could go. That’s number one.
Number two—and perhaps the most important lesson—recognize that we’re all in the same boat, we’re all mortal, we were born wearing the same thing, we’re going to go out of this world one day when we stop breathing. In-between, we’re trying to figure it out. I’m not saying we should allow for evil people and the rest of it, I’m not talking about that, but in a broader sense, we’re all in the same boat.
And each prospect is a separate entity. There’s no universal prospect to prospect rejection network. Each time is a reset, each time is a new opportunity. Finally, bless your prospect. This sounds new age-y, even new testament, whatever you want to call it, spiritual. I like to say the more someone frustrates me, the more I say, “Thank you for showing up as my teacher and my guide. May you flourish and prosper and grow. I release you now with love.”
If you’ll just do that really quickly with each one, you’ll feel a surge of joy. When you bring joy into your selling, selling becomes a joy. And when you bring joy into what you do, something clicks, a doorway opens into something that’s not describable in words.